I decided about a month ago that I was not going to sit around any longer. I had not had a date in almost three years and it was time. I don’t know about how it works for any other single gals out there, because frankly, I don’t really know that many single gals out there, but this is how it works for me. I have a great job, but I work out of my house. This means I don’t do any socializing at all in my work life, other than those fabulous conference calls, and I don’t see very many people. The truth is I’m quite content with that. I live in my big tee shirts and my sweats and go about my business. The flip side is that people in my life who do care about me tend to crawl up my ass in an attempt to ‘get me out there’ for the very reason I like to stay home and be the introvert I love to be. Ergo, the need to develop an online dating strategy.
Let’s Talk About My Foray into Online Dating [Yet Again]
Ladies, this is not my first rodeo. I have done the online dating thing before. In fact, my last two marriages started online and ended in divorce court. You might wonder, why then would you take the precarious route of online dating, yet again?? I will tell you. Because, no one will fix me up. I think everyone I know believes me to be either dead or to have joined a nunnery since they haven’t seen or heard from me in so long. This of course is one of the downsides of being both an introvert and working from home. But, I made a decision that this was the year I was going to ‘get out there’ and dammit, it’s May and I’m going to go out. It’s irrefutably time to venture again into the world of online dating.
Here’s the thing, I am even cringing as I type this article, this is how pathetic I am right now and how much I’d rather just stay home and curl up with my amazing dog and a glass of wine. But, I am going to own my pathetic-ness (yes, this is my new word). Before I go into my logic of the who, what, where, whys of this madness, let me first tell you that I am now turning this online dating business into a social experiment—and I am determined to have more than one date. I’ve decided that in order to beat the odds, I must join as many online dating sites as possible, which will in turn give me the greatest chances of having the most success and the most potential for quality dates. Notice that quality is important to me, not necessarily quantity. That, dear friends, is a whole ‘nother conversation.
The Execution of My Online Dating Strategy
That online dating strategy makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Well, it was time to get started. After doing extensive research, these are the sites I joined:
Match.com. This is a gimme site. Everyone joins it when they are either in their late 20s or a Millennial. I believe I might well be the only person on Match who is in my age group. Although in fairness, I must admit that my very first date in this social experiment was with a gentleman who was not only not a creeper, he was actually age appropriate. More on that later.
JDate. I’m Jewish, so it only makes sense that JDate be another online dating site that I am on. After all, this is the site where I can most likely find the same 10 Jewish guys who were single 10 years ago, between husband 2 and 3, when I was dating by way of JDate. Chances are good they’ve not yet been taken. Nor, of course, do I really want them.
JSwipe is a new one for me. Quite honestly, I’m confused. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out why JSwipe is only showing me guys who are in their early 30s and who live in Colorado. I mean, I know that I look pretty good for 51, but still, early 30s is pushing it.
Tiinder. Ah Tinder. Who doesn’t love you some Tinder?? Now, I try to just beat the odds and swipe right for EVERYONE on Tinder and then weed out the gross guys who take pics shirtless in the mirror of themselves. Unfortunately, this is leaving me with very little in the way of ‘prospectives’ with whom to chat. Dudes, really?
Bumble. Bumble is interesting, for a variety of reasons. Developed by one of the co-founders of Tinder, Whitney Wolfe Herd is onto something. The inspiration for Bumble came shortly after leaving Tinder, where Whitney became the victim of online harassment. Her first idea for Bumble was actually an app where women could connect and network, but she ultimately focused on a dating app where women could control the conversation and the interaction. Naturally, what I like most about Bumble is that the girls get to make that first move. What I don’t like is that every guy on there seems to be catfishing. Don’t ask me how I know this, must be the fact that they all ask for a bank account number. Don’t know what ‘catfishing is’ — don’t feel bad, I didn’t either for awhile. Catfishing is when someone creates fake profiles and pretends to be someone they are not, mostly on online dating sites. Super, I know.
Coffee Meets Bagel. Coffee Meets Bagel. I like coffee. I like bagels, but I have to admit that, to begin with, I think it’s a goofy name for an online dating site. And honestly, I still don’t know how this one works. The matches are all over the place, it seems as though the algorithm (if there is one) is drunk most of the time, and there are a ton of catfishers there, for sure.
POF. They say there are plenty of fish and on Plenty of Fish it’s free, which I like because who wants to pay for this!? But, I am getting plenty of losers too.
OK Cupid. Ok Cupid. Where the heck did you go because you certainly don’t reside on this site?
So there you have it, my online dating strategy, the logic behind that strategy, and what I’ve learned so far.
Current Status on the Online Dating Strategy and Execution of ‘The Experiment’
And so, we now get to my current status on the online dating strategy, the social experiment I’ve undertaken, and the highlights (can I call them ‘highlights’?) thus far. There’s much I still don’t know, but here is what I doknow. I know that I have committed to executing on an online dating strategy that includes emailing at least three guys a day on both Match and on JDate.Gasp. Even thinking about that commitment is a tough one for this commintment-phobe. But I’m also pragmatic and practical. I did pay for three months’ service on each of these damn sites and I might as well take full advantage. I also know that might have to commit myself to an asylum before this online dating social experiment ends. My normal M.O. is that I make it about a week with the online dating and then have to call it a day because I just can’t stand the reality of what’s out there, but I am determined to give it my all this time. I resolve to power through the dick pics, the “I’m a submissive” messages, and the what seem to be endless photos of bare chests taken in front of the bathroom mirror. Decent men, I know you are out there, and I’m not going to give up on you!
In the meantime, if any of you happen to have a friend, brother, co-worker—anyone you want to fix me up with to help take me out of my misery, I am in. I’m not even averse to hopping on a plane to meet someone. And I swear, I am completely normal (in spite of perhaps making some poor choices in husband material in years prior), relatively interesting, and generally quite fun to be around. No pressure, but based on what I’ve seen so far on online dating sites, you might be my next best hope.
Until I either have a great date (or seven) or you fix me up, stay tuned for further stories of online dating reviews.