Divorce recovery in midlife is a lot like a remodel. When you find a home that you want to live in you might decide to tackle a redo. When you become divorced at midlife, it is very similar. It is time for a redo.
In an old house, the bones of the house, i.e., the outer structure and pipes, could be fantastic, but it is the inside, the aesthetics that aren’t so great. So, you rip it out. When you get divorced, you still have your body and your insides. Those things aren’t damaged. Your skin still covers your bones, and your heart keeps beating. It is your soul that is damaged.
As you enter midlife, you might already be going through many emotions, so it’s important to repair the emotions of divorce, which cut deep. Just like in an old house, a quick fix or patch isn’t always going to do the job. With divorce, a band-aid isn’t going to heal the pain or close the wound like a paper cut. You need to rip out the pain and see what parts of your soul can be salvaged or what needs to be taken to the dumpster. But, tearing it down takes time. A plan must be in place first, just like in a remodel.
How do you remodel your life?
You have to decide you are ready to take that step towards reshaping yourself. Take a walk through your consciousness of what you want to redesign. It is important to see if anything can be salvaged as you work your way through the pieces.
What parts of yourself were made better during your marriage and what parts of yourself were lost and need to be rebuilt? Keep the parts that were enhanced by marriage and take them with you and the parts that were not throw in the dumpster of life.
Then, look at your life plan. Lay out your goals and set a vision for the life you want to live. How do you want to feel? What is important to you? What makes you happy? What makes you shine? The plan is a vital part of the remodel because, without a plan, you might put a closet in where the bathroom should go. And, just like a house, you need to decide what makes you happy and the way to get from point A to B.
Rebuilding your sense of self
The drawings are done, and you have a clear vision for your life and your sense of self. Now it is time to go out and get that life. Taking baby steps, set smaller goals that are reachable and doable. Make sure you hold yourself accountable for reaching each of these goals. Learn how to center yourself, so you don’t lose focus and be sure to do something nice for yourself every single day.
Don’t worry if you get off track because you can always get right back on. Everyone stumbles and makes mistakes, after all, regaining your sense of self is not an easy task, but have faith that you will wake up each day and still be able to breathe and that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west.
The plan could take months or even years, and it is a process. A house is never finished, and even when you think you are done, you can always find something else to fix. People are the same way. We are all a work in progress, and there will always be work to be done. Some days the work will be easy, and we will feel fantastic, and other days we will feel as if we have hit a brick wall, but the one thing to remember is this…
Life will continue, and you will survive.
If you are divorced and having a hard time, come up with a plan to remodel and rebuild, a survival plan for the soul. You will be living in your body for years, just like that house that you spent so much time on, and you deserve it.